The first step to getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are-Unknown
This year I decided to move to a different country. As lame as this is about to sound, I always looked at influencers and thought to myself, ” I wish that were me.” Then I thought, “why can’t it be me? What’s stopping me? So I did it.
Deciding to move was not an easy decision to make. I had to weigh the pros and cons. At first, the cons outweighed the pros, and this was partly because a part of me had many fears about moving.
I constantly thought of the life I was leaving behind, and that poured into what if this goes wrong? I had to stop myself then and there. I am always overthinking and asking, “what if this goes wrong?”
As I landed, I had an uneasy feeling. Why did this feel wrong? Why didn’t I feel excited or happy? After thinking about it, I realized I was under a lot of stress because moving abroad within less than a month is stressful as fuck. Secondly, I felt exhausted and guilty. I do not know if it is just me, but in the Latino community, you always face a certain amount of backlash and criticism when you do something that is “out of the norm” for older generations.
A part of me always feels like I am not deserving of good things. I know I think like this because of my past experiences and trauma. In the past, moments intended to be happy were short-lived. I convinced myself that nothing good could happen to me. I have worked on changing my mindset and embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly throughout the years. This time I stopped myself and thought I always worry about things going wrong, but what if I believed that things could go well this time?
I shipped a box with my belongings and bought a one-way ticket. A part of me acted on impulse, but I had to; the longer I waited and weighed my options, the heavier my heart felt. I did not tell many people that I was leaving, in part because naturally, they would begin to worry about my safety and well-being. I knew that if I shared the news, I would get lots of questions, and I did not want anyone persuading me to stay. So I left in silence.
I had to reassure myself that success and opportunities are on the other side of fear. I let myself know fear, and I did it anyway. I knew that to grow; I had to step out of my comfort zone. I stepped 5159 KM’s outside of my comfort zone.
A part of me is still scared. Did I make the right choice? Am I selfish for leaving?
I do not know if this was the right choice, but it sure feels like it- as for being selfish, it is the first time in years that I have put my wants and needs first. I am letting go of the things that weighed me down. I am accepting that I do not have complete control, and that is okay.
For the first time in a long time, I am on my own; My journey to growth and healing. I am determined to get to know myself better, accept myself, and fall in love with all aspects of myself. For so long, I was taking care of everyone and everything around me that I neglected myself.
Today I chose myself and begin my journey to self discovery, self-acceptance, and self-love.