Moving Abroad: Part I

The first step to getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are

-Unknown

This year I decided to move to a different country. As lame as this is about to sound, I always looked at influencers and thought to myself, ” I wish that were me.” Then I thought, “why can’t it be me? What’s stopping me? So I did it.

Deciding to move was not an easy decision to make. I had to weigh the pros and cons. At first, the cons outweighed the pros, and this was partly because a part of me had many fears about moving.

I constantly thought of the life I was leaving behind, and that poured into what if this goes wrong? I had to stop myself then and there. I am always overthinking and asking, “what if this goes wrong?”

As I landed, I had an uneasy feeling. Why did this feel wrong? Why didn’t I feel excited or happy? After thinking about it, I realized I was under a lot of stress because moving abroad within less than a month is stressful as fuck. Secondly, I felt exhausted and guilty. I do not know if it is just me, but in the Latino community, you always face a certain amount of backlash and criticism when you do something that is “out of the norm” for older generations.

A part of me always feels like I am not deserving of good things. I know I think like this because of my past experiences and trauma. In the past, moments intended to be happy were short-lived. I convinced myself that nothing good could happen to me. I have worked on changing my mindset and embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly throughout the years. This time I stopped myself and thought I always worry about things going wrong, but what if I believed that things could go well this time?

I shipped a box with my belongings and bought a one-way ticket. A part of me acted on impulse, but I had to; the longer I waited and weighed my options, the heavier my heart felt. I did not tell many people that I was leaving, in part because naturally, they would begin to worry about my safety and well-being. I knew that if I shared the news, I would get lots of questions, and I did not want anyone persuading me to stay. So I left in silence.

I had to reassure myself that success and opportunities are on the other side of fear. I let myself know fear, and I did it anyway. I knew that to grow; I had to step out of my comfort zone. I stepped 5159 KM’s outside of my comfort zone.

A part of me is still scared. Did I make the right choice? Am I selfish for leaving?

I do not know if this was the right choice, but it sure feels like it- as for being selfish, it is the first time in years that I have put my wants and needs first. I am letting go of the things that weighed me down. I am accepting that I do not have complete control, and that is okay.

For the first time in a long time, I am on my own; My journey to growth and healing. I am determined to get to know myself better, accept myself, and fall in love with all aspects of myself. For so long, I was taking care of everyone and everything around me that I neglected myself.

Today I chose myself and begin my journey to self discovery, self-acceptance, and self-love.

Always,

Analucy

Published by alwaysanalucy

My name is Analucy Benavides I am a 28-year-old blogger, Hyperpolyglot, and former Beauty Queen of the DC Metropolitan area and El Salvador. Follow my adventures, Travels, and Projects as I embark on the adventure of a lifetime. xo

6 thoughts on “Moving Abroad: Part I

  1. cheers 🍻 to you finding yourself, your happiness and your peace of mind. We all have to start somewhere, and I am proud of you for being selfish for once and seeking YOUR happiness. Best of luck cuz!

    1. Well it wasn’t immediate but it actually makes me so happy to know that I followed my dream and that opened so many doors but also made me person with with a different perspective and just for life 💕💕💕

Leave a Reply

en_USEnglish
%d bloggers like this: